Enjoy the United States praise celebrated Suzhou element has there is heaven on “ , the beauty that there is Su Hang ” below praise, blue by day Tian Baiyun has waved from the top of head, night lamplight twinkles multicoloured. One a high-rise unpluggingly and case, one a howl of tall iron subway and over- . I live in this beautiful city Suzhou.
享有美誉著称苏州素有“上有天堂，下有苏杭”的美誉，白天蓝天白云从头顶飘过，夜晚灯光闪烁五光十色。一座座高楼拔地而起，一条条高铁地铁呼啸而过。我就生活在这个美丽的城市苏州。
Hiemal Suzhou also is attractive all the more, drop drop drips. . . . . . Punctual noise removes the ring that got up at 5 o'clock in the morning, sleep in warm warm by do not think a bit really in the nest. Father's yelp urges I got up again! I rise quickly busy move brushs my teeth wash a face, enjoy the breakfast that father prepares to me, time had arrived 5:10. Next buildings, push unit entrance door a biting cold wind blow on the face and come, warm both hands instant is icy, that wind flinchs continuously with respect to the claw that resembles eagle my face, make me aching be borne hard, think very much really by nest warmth warmth, I am striding slow pace to go forth first, the edge walks along an edge to grouse: Day! How so cold.出自 wwW.zuoWEnBA.nEt
冬季的苏州也是格外迷人，滴滴滴滴......早晨5点起床的铃声准时响起，睡在暖暖的被窝里真是有点不想起来。爸爸的叫喊声再次催促我起床了！我快速起来忙碌着刷牙洗脸，享用爸爸给我准备的早餐，时间已经到了5点10分。下楼了，推开单元大门一阵刺骨的寒风扑面而来，暖和的双手瞬间冰凉，那风就像老鹰的爪子直挠我的脸，让我疼痛难忍，真的好想回被窝暖和暖和，我迈着缓慢的步伐先往前走，边走边埋怨：天哪！怎么这么冷。
Suddenly at this moment I see an old grandma suddenly, she was controlled many years old 60 it seems that, the dress that wears on her body is much less than me, still have patch and hole, the both hands that she goes throughall the vicissitudes of life then is furrow and breach completely, but the sadness that she does not have a bit on that face, see she is being taken only grow long broom Zun Yihui is right sweep sweep deciduous leaf and rubbish one caboodle, gratified smile was shown on old grandma face, abrupt at this moment a Zhang Han wind has been blown, blow the rubbish dump that has swept entirely came loose, at this moment my look is opposite with old grandma inspected, the rubbish dump that this blamed wind has swept favour of favour of grandma laborious laborious hard gives blow came loose, hey! Must sweep afresh again. But see the grandma did not reveal vinegary expression, reckon she also is be accustomed to sth. The environment that I take to ponder a city all the way all the way cannot leave the environmental sanitation worker with hard favour, make everybody act to had protected our surroundings from me, we are urban Maecenas.
忽然这时我忽然看见一位老奶奶，她看起来60多岁左右了，她身上穿的衣服比我少多了，还有补丁和破洞，她那历经沧桑的双手满是皱纹和裂口，但是她那脸上没有丝毫的忧伤，只见她拿着长长的扫帚左一挥右一扫将落叶和垃圾扫成一堆堆，老奶奶脸上露出了欣慰的笑容，突然这时一阵张寒风吹过，将扫好的垃圾堆全部吹散了，这时我的目光同老奶奶对视了，这该死的风将奶奶辛辛幸幸苦苦扫好的垃圾堆给吹散了，哎！又得重新扫了。可是看见奶奶并没有流露出不悦的表情，估计她也是习以为常吧。我一路走一路思索城市的环境离不开幸辛苦的环卫工人，从我做起大家都行动起来保护好我们的生活环境，我们就是城市的保护者。
Because make up a missed lesson,classes are over afternoon I come home later, father is punctual drive will receive me, I sit inside the car to see through glazing curtain of night arrives already, the Suzhou algidity in the winter is threatening, the workers that when the car passes traffic light, I see road construction are in the busy move of in full swing, had blown the work that biting cold wind appears and did not affect them, our beautiful city cannot leave them to be paid arduously, this is our urban hero. You are the most marvellous, waited for me to be brought up to also want to give a power for this city!
下午放学因为补课我回家较晚，爸爸准时开车来接我，我坐在车内透过玻璃窗看见夜幕早已降临，冬天的苏州寒气逼人，车子经过红绿灯时我看见道路施工的工人们正在热火朝天的忙碌着，吹过刺骨的寒风似乎并没有影响到他们的工作，我们美丽的城市离不开他们辛勤的付出，这就是我们的城市英雄。您们是最棒的，等我长大了也要为这座城市出一份力！
The depict that cleans Tophet scene to old grandma very give prize, write meticulously specific, drew up the picture feels, can make so readers go undertaking imaginary through the character, also can arouse the sentiment of readers, make the article has very strong appeal. Do not pass, article inside sentence of place of cent having a department is written not clear and coherent, partial place still lacks the circumstance that join between existence sentence around, this meeting affects the expression of young writer yourself badly, also meet those who affect readers read an experience, read after proposal young writer do not stop a pen, first oneself are read, at the same time, go reading more read name of a few a person of academic or artistic distinction piece, go learning the other people's wording and phrasing, hold to period of time, meeting very effectual.
对老奶奶打扫垃圾场景的描写很出彩，写得细致具体，写出了画面感，这样就能使得读者们去通过文字进行想象，也就能调动读者们的情绪，使得文章具备很强的感染力。不过呢，文章里边有部分地方句子写不通顺，部分地方还存在句子前后之间缺乏衔接的情况，这会严重影响到小作者你自己的表达，也会影响到读者们的阅读体验，建议小作者以后读完不要停笔，先自己读一遍，同时呢，多去读读一些名家名篇，去学习人家的遣词造句，坚持一段时间，会很有效果的。