In my heart, having a person is the most important forever. She is my mother.
在我的心中，有一个人永远是最重要的。她就是我的母亲。
I am born in the pig year a night, hear of day of my cry shake. I remember a mother dimly the footstep from the clarity that runs somewhere else, be that and beauty next comfort sound. I special the mother that depends on me.
我出生在猪年的一个晚上，听说我哭声震天。我依稀记得母亲从别处跑来的清晰的脚步声，然后是那和美的安慰声。我非常依赖我的母亲。
When 67 years old not sensible I am the most mischievous, constant haunt is in amuse oneself (mad play) , the mother persuades me to notice safety, I do not listen (pay no attention to) , eventually one day left arm fracture, the reason is with others fall from the car when amuse oneself. I what lie on sickbed, hear the footstep with hurried mother only, those day, she does what business is hurriedly. I am very sad, from now on later sensible many. Write down so that once the teacher says, mother's day should wash a foot for his mother. I discover maternal leg is very lithe, feel, like water. When chatting with classmates, they say the foot of their mother is coarse, I am very complacent still, the foot that feels the foot of my mother compares their mother wants good-looking, and, I am sure those who wash is cleaner than theirs.作文吧 WWW.zuOwEnBa.Net
六七岁时不懂事我是最顽皮的，常常到处玩耍（疯玩），母亲劝我注意安全，我不听（置若罔闻），终于有一天左臂骨折，原因是与别人玩耍时从车上摔下来。躺在病床上的我，只听见母亲急促的脚步声，那些天，她做什么事情都是急匆匆的。我很伤心，从此之后懂事了不少。记得有一次老师说，母亲节要为自己的母亲洗一次脚。我发现母亲的脚很柔软，摸上去，水似的。和同学们聊天时，他们说他们母亲的脚是粗糙的，我还非常得意，觉得我母亲的脚比他们母亲的脚要好看，而且，我肯定洗的比他们的干净。
Begin to have traitorous mentality when 10 years old. Classes are over everyday the mother is to use electric car to receive me, I am a bit self-abased, often go with the friend, often make to maternal proposal object, the mother can look at I and friend to talk cheerfully and humourously aloof at the back only.
十岁时开始有叛逆心理了。每天放学母亲都是用电动车来接我，我有点自卑，常常跟朋友走，常常对母亲的建议做出反对，母亲只能在后面远远地看着我和朋友谈笑风生。
When 12 years old, I eventually can static the footstep that next hearts will come to listen to a mother. She and father quarrel, because with the wife and mother of the grandma the relation makes a noise so that cannot leave to hand in, whacked. Her footstep becomes heavy in that way and slow, asing if is the footstep of a respectful form of address for an old person, when doing chore, do not have lightsome in that way before. This year, I learn to make allowances for other eventually, the society helps her. Wash the discovery when the foot to her again, the foot that when begins her is bad to looked, crural skin cock, washing a foot to her so always is sadder than.
十二岁时，我终于能静下心来听母亲的脚步声。她与爸爸吵架，因与奶奶的婆媳关系吵得不可开交，疲惫不堪。她的脚步变得那样沉重缓慢，仿佛是老人家的脚步，做家务时没有以前那样轻盈了。这一年，我终于学会体谅他人，学会帮助她。再给她洗脚时发现，什么时候开始她的脚不好看了，脚皮翘起，所以给她洗脚总是一次比一次伤心。
Now I 14 years old. Maternal body is inferior to one day one day. One stoop goes aching with respect to back of meeting waist acid, I know “ to use up filial piety to be in instantly ” the meaning of this word. Recently, the grandma fell ill, she answers native place to take care of a grandma, when going, say to me: “ has taken care of him. In these days after she leaves ” , her heavy footstep is worn in echo of my side side. Ah, the mother of my that charity.
现在我十四岁了。母亲的身体一日不如一日。一弯下去就会腰酸背疼，我懂得“尽孝在当下”这句话的意思。最近，奶奶生病了，她回老家照顾奶奶，走的时候对我说：“照顾好自己。”她离开后的这些日子里，她的沉重的脚步声在我耳边回响着。啊，我那慈善的母亲。
Young writer select material is very good, cut angle very small, the mother love that the ” footstep “ of button mother will come to convey eternity this one great theme. It is foreword with time, with oneself the typical detail in growing process is arteries and veins, can draw up originally an an excellent work, however young writer appears as follows in composing a process problem, bring about style not tall. 1, writing do one's best is true and natural, the footstep that the choice just was born to be able to hear a mother namely is truthless; 2 languages are lacked hammer into shape, statement of the part in article is messy, token not clear; 3, select material is owed think, expressional character should be chosen active up material, do one's best makes figure figure tall on. 4, lack typical detail depict, the character should wait for method essence through language, movement, bearing clever fine draw, personality of do one's best is distinct.
小作者选材很好，切入角度很小，扣住母亲的”脚步声“来表达永恒的母爱这一伟大的主题。以时间为序，以自己成长过程中的典型细节为脉，本可以写出一篇佳作，然而小作者在写作过程中出现如下问题，导致格调不高。1，写作力求真实自然，选择刚出生即可以听到母亲的脚步不真实；2语言缺少锤炼，文中部分语句凌乱，表意不清；3，选材欠思考，表现人物应选取积极向上的材料，力求使得人物形象高大上。4，缺少典型的细节刻画，人物应通过语言、动作、神态等手段精妙细绘，力求个性鲜明。